Wednesday 11th I went to the gym early as a normally would with my lovely gym partner Jan, and then went straight to the docs to get an appointment. Whilst waiting my heart sank, after everything I had been through in life I was the most nervous I had ever been. I must of had 10 nervous pee’s within an hour, my heart was racing, it was such a strange feeling I honestly felt I knew the answer already.
The doctor assessed me, she did seem a little concerned however she said because of my age and good health (33 years old) she would probably put it down to Fibrosis because of its size. She wanted to put me on the list to be seen by the breast care unit at a local hospital. I was told this could take up to two weeks and if I hadn’t heard anything from them get back in touch with my doctors surgery. I asked if it would be faster to use my private health care (which I am very lucky to have, thanks dad) but she replied no and that they wouldn’t have the ‘equipment’ like the breast care unit at the local NHS hospital would have.
I went into work after, and honestly I didn’t feel too great not just mentally but my body felt odd I can’t quite explain it.
In the afternoon at work I thought this isn’t right ..2 weeks …wait…no this isn’t right. I called BUPA, usually they are very good however the person I spoke to obviously hadn’t dealt with anything like this before so when I told him my worry and if it would be quicker through private he had no answers just a , “errrr maybe can’t really say”. From that I thought you know what I’m calling Derby Nuffield myself, a place I had spent time at before. I called and spoke with the breast care team there , and I was booked in, the next day Thursday 6.45pm , and promised if I needed any further scans or tests I could have them all there, no problem. I was informed incorrectly from the doctor who seen me.
You see, you know your body , listen to it! Like sorting out a flat tyre on your car, well you are stupid if you decide to drive around on it, you call and get it fixed! Well it’s the same with your health, we all think it’s the doctors place, they tell us what to do and when, although I am not having a dig at our NHS system, well I kinda am , in 5-10 minutes you don’t at times get all the answers or help you need. But you shouldn’t wait for the say so from your doctor when your gut is telling you THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
I got to see the consultant on Thursday , I had the ultra sound straight away, the doctor didn’t seem too happy, I lay there and could see it written all over his face, I then had a mammogram which was blooming awkward then the consultant examined me and wasn’t happy, so it was back to the ultra sound doctor to do the biopsy. At this point I guess I was in shock, non of it hurt just more uncomfortable but writing this now I’ve just had to ask my fiancé what happened as I couldn’t remember, I was in shock. I was told from that it could be cancer , or fibrosis, there were a few other things I can’t quite remember what. I left feeling totally scared, everyone around was telling me it’s going to be fine , but honestly I knew my senses were telling me something different.
Thursday night until the following Monday was the biggest wait of my life. I was with it but not , all over the shop really.
Monday 14th the most scary news of my life. It was Breast Cancer. Now I’m not quite sure what else I took in from the consultant apart from him telling me he could fix me. The care team there were amazing, so amazing. I had to then go for another biopsy to check under my arms. My poor boob and my poor fiancé watching it all.
I cried , I felt shock, anxiety , anger everything instantly like I had been hit by a bus. To look a my fiancé and see his tears hurt me more than I can explain. To see loved ones upset and scared for you is the most crippling feeling! We composed ourselves and drove home to both my mum and dad and then it’s another hard one , seeing parents that want to protect us but this time they are totally powerless. That day my heart hurt more than ever before.
I was almost staying positive for a friend , like I would speak as if it’s all going to be ok sarah , but it was me, Sarah, I’m sarah! My step dad came home, my friend Emily came round and we decided to go to …wait for it…nandos 😂 ..but it was what I needed . On the drive home I looked at a car broken down on the side of the road. You know usually I would say , I wouldn’t like to be them right now , all that waiting around , I bet they’ve had a difficult day at work now there car has broken down…well that day , I wish that was me, I wanted to be sat in my broken down car waiting for someone to tow me away and get me fixed and then I could carry on my journey as normal the next day.
That was the start of my journey, the new chapter, “Gone off Roading”
My little jack Russell Larry is my little angel, they say that dogs can sense things, in this case mine certainly did. I think the main thing anyone can take away from this experience is trust yourself. Yes ok we don’t all want to become hypochondriacs, but I do believe that we know our body. I am not one to worry too much however I felt this from a place I can’t quite explain. My curiosity this time worked in my favour, I wasn’t going to sit and wait, I did everything in my power to get this sorted ASAP and for that i’ll always be proud of myself for. When you know, you know whether it be a positive or negative.
This journey will only make me stronger, which honestly I don’t know where I have been storing it. Support means the world and knowing you are not alone makes the journey not so scary.
I set up my working girl life blog a couple Years ago to share all things beauty, fitness and life, just now it is going to be tweaked slightly however I’m still the person I have always been, but just a little stronger. I never thought I would be writing this, you never think its’s going to land on your door step.
I am 33, no children, very fit and healthy, getting married December 2018, we are having our dream house built which should be complete end of September. My life before this was the best ever, I had all I ever wanted. I have been angry, WHY ME, but you know what, what a waste of energy because the fact is it is me. Cancer has no age or ‘type’ it can just come along out of no where, there is no family history, it has just decided to form its way into my body. I had and have two options, fall apart or use all of my strength, my fitness, my health choices, my beautiful life, fiancé, friends and family to be the reason to fight hard and beat this. I choose the second option.
If I can do anything or just share my journey via my blog that can touch other young women with breast cancer or anyone going on this journey then that to me is a positive to be taken from this.
Follow my journey if you wish, use it to find your way with the big C, with me , or use it to see life in a different way to allow you to be happy and free.
Writing sets me free.
“It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view” Dalai Lama
All my love
Sarah
xx