Wednesday 11th I went to the gym early as a normally would with my lovely gym partner Jan, and then went straight to the docs to get an appointment. Whilst waiting my heart sank, after everything I had been through in life I was the most nervous I had ever been. I must of had 10 nervous pee’s within an hour, my heart was racing, it was such a strange feeling I honestly felt I knew the answer already.
The doctor assessed me, she did seem a little concerned however she said because of my age and good health (33 years old) she would probably put it down to Fibrosis because of its size. She wanted to put me on the list to be seen by the breast care unit at a local hospital. I was told this could take up to two weeks and if I hadn’t heard anything from them get back in touch with my doctors surgery. I asked if it would be faster to use my private health care (which I am very lucky to have, thanks dad) but she replied no and that they wouldn’t have the ‘equipment’ like the breast care unit at the local NHS hospital would have.
I went into work after, and honestly I didn’t feel too great not just mentally but my body felt odd I can’t quite explain it.
In the afternoon at work I thought this isn’t right ..2 weeks …wait…no this isn’t right. I called BUPA, usually they are very good however the person I spoke to obviously hadn’t dealt with anything like this before so when I told him my worry and if it would be quicker through private he had no answers just a , “errrr maybe can’t really say”. From that I thought you know what I’m calling Derby Nuffield myself, a place I had spent time at before. I called and spoke with the breast care team there , and I was booked in, the next day Thursday 6.45pm , and promised if I needed any further scans or tests I could have them all there, no problem. I was informed incorrectly from the doctor who seen me.
You see, you know your body , listen to it! Like sorting out a flat tyre on your car, well you are stupid if you decide to drive around on it, you call and get it fixed! Well it’s the same with your health, we all think it’s the doctors place, they tell us what to do and when, although I am not having a dig at our NHS system, well I kinda am , in 5-10 minutes you don’t at times get all the answers or help you need. But you shouldn’t wait for the say so from your doctor when your gut is telling you THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
I got to see the consultant on Thursday , I had the ultra sound straight away, the doctor didn’t seem too happy, I lay there and could see it written all over his face, I then had a mammogram which was blooming awkward then the consultant examined me and wasn’t happy, so it was back to the ultra sound doctor to do the biopsy. At this point I guess I was in shock, non of it hurt just more uncomfortable but writing this now I’ve just had to ask my fiancé what happened as I couldn’t remember, I was in shock. I was told from that it could be cancer , or fibrosis, there were a few other things I can’t quite remember what. I left feeling totally scared, everyone around was telling me it’s going to be fine , but honestly I knew my senses were telling me something different.
Thursday night until the following Monday was the biggest wait of my life. I was with it but not , all over the shop really.
Monday 14th the most scary news of my life. It was Breast Cancer. Now I’m not quite sure what else I took in from the consultant apart from him telling me he could fix me. The care team there were amazing, so amazing. I had to then go for another biopsy to check under my arms. My poor boob and my poor fiancé watching it all.
I cried , I felt shock, anxiety , anger everything instantly like I had been hit by a bus. To look a my fiancé and see his tears hurt me more than I can explain. To see loved ones upset and scared for you is the most crippling feeling! We composed ourselves and drove home to both my mum and dad and then it’s another hard one , seeing parents that want to protect us but this time they are totally powerless. That day my heart hurt more than ever before.
I was almost staying positive for a friend , like I would speak as if it’s all going to be ok sarah , but it was me, Sarah, I’m sarah! My step dad came home, my friend Emily came round and we decided to go to …wait for it…nandos 😂 ..but it was what I needed . On the drive home I looked at a car broken down on the side of the road. You know usually I would say , I wouldn’t like to be them right now , all that waiting around , I bet they’ve had a difficult day at work now there car has broken down…well that day , I wish that was me, I wanted to be sat in my broken down car waiting for someone to tow me away and get me fixed and then I could carry on my journey as normal the next day.
That was the start of my journey, the new chapter, “Gone off Roading”
My little jack Russell Larry is my little angel, they say that dogs can sense things, in this case mine certainly did. I think the main thing anyone can take away from this experience is trust yourself. Yes ok we don’t all want to become hypochondriacs, but I do believe that we know our body. I am not one to worry too much however I felt this from a place I can’t quite explain. My curiosity this time worked in my favour, I wasn’t going to sit and wait, I did everything in my power to get this sorted ASAP and for that i’ll always be proud of myself for. When you know, you know whether it be a positive or negative.
This journey will only make me stronger, which honestly I don’t know where I have been storing it. Support means the world and knowing you are not alone makes the journey not so scary.
I set up my working girl life blog a couple Years ago to share all things beauty, fitness and life, just now it is going to be tweaked slightly however I’m still the person I have always been, but just a little stronger. I never thought I would be writing this, you never think its’s going to land on your door step.
I am 33, no children, very fit and healthy, getting married December 2018, we are having our dream house built which should be complete end of September. My life before this was the best ever, I had all I ever wanted. I have been angry, WHY ME, but you know what, what a waste of energy because the fact is it is me. Cancer has no age or ‘type’ it can just come along out of no where, there is no family history, it has just decided to form its way into my body. I had and have two options, fall apart or use all of my strength, my fitness, my health choices, my beautiful life, fiancé, friends and family to be the reason to fight hard and beat this. I choose the second option.
If I can do anything or just share my journey via my blog that can touch other young women with breast cancer or anyone going on this journey then that to me is a positive to be taken from this.
Follow my journey if you wish, use it to find your way with the big C, with me , or use it to see life in a different way to allow you to be happy and free.
Writing sets me free.
“It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view” Dalai Lama
All my love
Sarah
xx
Glad you found it early and are in high spirits, it can be stopped and will. such wise words spoken by a strong willed young woman.
Thank you xx
Good Luck Sarah, although it’s not easy right now I know you will pull through okay. Be positive, as you always are. Disco Dave. x
Thank you disco xx
Wishing you all the best Sarah. Really lovely words. Positive thoughts and love coming your way. Xx
Thank you Sara xxx
Hello Sarah, you probably don’t remember me, you were only a little girl following your Mum Sally around when I used to run the Honda Race teams back in the 90’s, I remember you as such a shy little thing and now you are so beautiful and about to get married. My sister also had breast cancer 20 years ago and we have just celebrated her 70th birthday, she’s as fit as a fiddle, so don’t worry everything will be fine.
Be strong and think of all th great adventures you are about to experience in your new home with your husband to be.
I will be thinking and praying for you.
Lots of love, Dave Hancock (Head Of Poduct Planning Honda Motor Europe….Retired..!)
That has brought a tear to my eye ❤️ of course I remember you how could I not you guys at Honda played a big part in my growing up stage and bringing me out of my shell haha. Thank you for the kind words , and your sister ..well …I want to be as strong as her xxx thank you again Dave really means ALOT xx
Sarah I have just read your post word for word and found it to be enlightening, inspirational and very moving. What you are dealing with has to be every woman’s nightmare. You are one hell of a lady and I admire your strength, determination and most of all your positivity. I will read your blog regularly and both Bob and me wish you a speedy recovery. Lots of love Bob and Sandra xxxxx
Sandra thank you ❤️❤️ it’s a mad world at times but honestly sharing this makes me stronger , one because of support , two hearing from others going through it and three the reality of writing it down and Sharing genuinely makes the journey and feeling process easier.
Thank you for you lovely words
And love to you and bob ❤️ xxxxxx
Sarah I can’t imagine how you must have felt at that diagnosis but you are a strong beautiful lady with a Huge support group not only Jake and all theDixon family your family and all of us extended family even here in Australia and even though we have never met we love you❤️ Stay positive darling girl you can and will beat this stay strong xx
❤️❤️ support is my extended family, thank you
I know some times this little bugger is going to get me all mixed up but with the support I’m hoping it pulls me back out quickly
Love to you guys
Xxxxxx
I’m so in awe of your psotivity, I know I’d be the doom and gloom merchant. Sarah I hope your journey through this is as smooth as possible, and you emerge out the other side “shiny side up” as they say.
Sending you virtual hugs
S xxx
You know you think that but when it’s in front of you , your mind does a wonderful thing , it stands up and fights 💪🏻 and you find strength you didn’t even know you had
Thank you for the message xxxz
You are a very brave lady this time last year I went through it with my daughter she is now clear and was a very positive lady like you keep being strong and you will get through this i will follow your progress brave lady
My specialist said positive is key , doers so good ….I hope I’m like your daughter , she sounds like she is a very brave lady too xxxx
Good luck and well done for getting it checked out. Lots of women wouldn’t of done.
I got diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 30 and 14 weeks pregnant. I hand a lumpectomy 2 weeks later, then had to have a single mastectomy 4 weeks later. Followed by 3 cycles of chemo. Little girl stopped growing so had to be induced 3 weeks early. 2 years on and we are both very healthy and loving life.
Sending positive thoughts your way xx
Honestly , what an inspiring story ❤️❤️❤️ thank you
I don’t yet have children I’ve done what I can before chemo as can’t have hormone treatment due to being hormone receptive , I prey to be better and prey that one day I can have a mini me , But what will be will be
Your story gives me positive vibes xxxx
I have just read your story and am going through exactly the same thing. 43 yrs old mum of 2. Found a lump 6 wks ago, referred to breast unit, like you consultant who ultrasounded me it was written all over her face. Had biopsy, wk later “I am sorry, you have triple negative breast cancer”. Been mri’d had sentinel node op, the chemo express starts on Monday and I am shitting myself tbh. I have my wig, I am positive and I will fight this hideous disease, just as you will. I wish you lots of love and luck and there is strength in numbers and there are so many of us stay strong xxxxxx
Thank you for connecting ❤️ I’m sending you all my love and with complete PMA we can fight this and take it in our stride. I’m almost wig ready to…time to let medicine do its job and fix us up xxxxxxx
Dear Sarah, we are thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs. Well done for taking control of the situation from the outset. We shall follow you on your off-road journey and cheer you on your way. See you soon. Special love from Geoff (Grandad) and Eve x x
Thanks grandad Geoff lots of love to you both xxxxxx would be great to see you again soon
Hi Sarah,
It’s a long time since we sat playing backgammon with Colin and a lot has happened since. Now you’re faced with this potentially life changing threat and it seems you are coping with it in a very positive way. This is a very poignant piece of writing yet it shows your forward thinking way of dealing with your problem.
24 years ago we lost my son’s mother to the disease but treatments and prognosis have improved considerably since then.so we really hope that you stay on top and beat it into submission!
Nici and I wish you the very best and hope that we’ll catch up sometime soon. After all, I’m sure we had a game to finish!
XXX
My gosh , backgammon , that’s just reminded me of sooo many great times as a kid ❤️ those were special moments
I’m sure there’s someone looking down on me , and he was a pretty amazingly strong person so I’m sure he’ll be sending me strength too:
All I can do is fight and trust is new medicine which I do
Would love to see you guys
Hope life is good xxxx
Thank you for your message
Wow Hun, you’re so strong and you shall get through this. So glad you were persistent and got it checked out. What a journey you’ve been on in such a short time since your diagnosis. It doesn’t seem that long ago since I was going through all this with my mum (bowl and liver cancer) so I know how scary this is for you, you feel like you’re in limbo with your life but you are really positive and you will come out the other side. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs, Becca xxx
Thank you so much for your words, and thanks for the love and hugs , that’s all I need right now xxxxxxxx thanks Becca
Hi Sarah, like yourself I have recently been diagnosed with Triple negative breast cancer. I am 36, with one daughter aged 14. My partner and I are getting married September 2018,and due to move into our new house in 2 weeks. I was diagnosed on 6th October. To start with my emotions were all over the place, questions constantly going over in my head, why me? But now I am ready to face this head on, and want to remain positive throughout the whole process. My focus is my wonderful family and friends who I love dearly xx
Hi Nicola , 30’s and Breast cancer …certainly something that leaves you feeling totally robbed. But since my diagnosis in August I’ve probably learnt more about myself than ever before and for that , well I can only be thankful.
The why’s and how’s are hard but when you sit back breath and think right…let’s do this , you give up the fight with your emotions in a negative way , and you begin to fight in a positive way, ready to tackle everything thrown at you. You also meet some amazing people (like yourself) and you tackle it with support. You got this, and like you said you have your family , home and a wedding. Hold your daughter close that’s something to treasure ❤️
Sounds like in a short time you’ve figured a lot out, you will get through this and being open will help you like it’s helping me. Turn a crappy situation into a good one and don’t let this take away you! A bump in the road that’s going to give you so much more than. You’ll ever know emotionally , for the good.
Here if you ever need to talk
Take care
Sarah xxxx
Hi Sarah! Love reading your blog. I hope you keep it up bc I’ll be checking!
What stage and grade do you have? How about your hormone and HER2 receptors?
I was diagnosed on Oct 17th with stage 2, grade 3 and HER2 positive. I’m doing 8 rounds of chemo and Herceptin (drug for HER2) for 1 year.
Thanks for writing and best of luck to you!
I am stage 1 grade 3 , I’m ER PR positive
HER2 negative . How have you been coping with it all ? X