I wanted round three of chemo to come round so bad. I had got myself behind schedule by two weeks thanks to my neutrophil count staying low and making me wait. As hard as it was to keep having my bloods done in anticipation of the yes or no to chemo it certainly gave me an even more amount of strength. The crazy thing it got me wanting is chemo, and never did I think those words would come out of my mouth, however the longer time between sessions the better I started to feel and I didn’t want to feel totally over it as I knew it would hit me harder.
The crazy thoughts in between were hard to hold back and the uncertainties on whether or not the lump in my breast will start to grow again. It’s a weird place to be and all you want to do is jump back on the chemo journey because you know that is what is going to make it better.
I got the green light last week and I could get cracking again, my dosage had been cut by 20% due to my body not being Able to tolerate the original dosage. Many times at the start people would tell me that it can get more tiresome as the chemo continues, I tried my best to put this to the back of my mind but this 3rd cycle had me tired half way through the drugs being put into me, I actually felt drunk on the drugs, YUCK YUCK YUCK without the fun of being drunk. This time round I have given my body time to relax and although I haven’t totally succumb to the tiredness I have listened to my body and stopped putting so much pressure on myself.
The hardest part is sitting around with zero energy is having too much thinking time, you want to read or learn, do some work, but your brain can’t really compute so the best thing to do is really allow your brain to switch off, give yourself some real-time out.
Sometimes working hard, being busy and loosing yourself in something can be just that, hard, busy and loosing yourself. Sometimes getting stopped in your tracks a little can allow you to think about the one thing we all need to hold on to and that is hope. If you have hope in anything you believe or choose to do, you really do have everything you need. Sitting there trying to fill your brain with a thousand and one other things because that’s what this life has got you doing, take a step back, breathe and think about all the life you have hope in and sit and think about only that, breath and then move forward. nothing else should come close.
Love hope believe.
And as for this chemo making me tried, well I’ve worked hard for a long time, a little bit of tired time will only make me stronger. Enough of the beating myself up about it, and more of the resting. Think we all need a rest in life at times, no matter what the circumstances.
There’s a long way to go I get scared but so many others are on this journey too and although the stats can leave you feeling a little confused about it all, there’s so many others fighting I want to share my love with others on this journey right now too 💕
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Sarah you are an inspiration too so many people . Life is tough and yours at the moment is tougher than it should be . My heart goes out to you . Love Sue xxxx
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you sue xxxxx
Sarah my utmost admiration for your strength and your journal.
Please know you’re in my thoughts 💚🧡💕
Sending lots of love and hugs – one day you’ll be writing about the last chemo session and each one done is one behind you xx
I sympathise when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia I had to realise I couldn’t live life at 100 mph and had to adjust to sitting down resting having me time hard at first but I learnt and I manage my life accordingly just let your body dictate your life at the moment and in the long term you will reap the benefits I wish you the best for your upcoming treatments you are amazingly strong and I hope everything goes well
Thank you Karen hope you are doing well x
You’ve got this 💕💕💕
Thanks Ginny gin xxx
Hello Sarah, I am from Greece. I have breast canser too. Thanks for writing your thoughts. I feel the same.
I have finished chemo and radio one month ago. I am afraid sometimes. (Sorry, i don’t speak and writeEnglish very well).
Thank you for commenting the main reason of my blog is to connect with others , I’m sending you big hugs. It sounds like you are through the tough chemo part …keep on going strong ❤️❤️ xxx
Amazing young lady, stay strong and take the time your mind and body needs. I am sure all the BSB family are following your blog and rooting for you Sarah. xx
Thank you heather xxxxxxx
Your wise words will help some many people, but most importantly will help yourself, be true to how you feel and ride the storm. Cherish everything around you and love everything you’ve got, your doing amazing! 😘
Thank you Katie x x x x x
You’re amazing Sarah, your blog will inspire so many women, keep smiling that beautiful smile and wI’ll see you soon back at BSB xx
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Sarah…thanks again…My wife’s sister Louise. ..is 52…she was born a Spina Biffida child…..and had operations ever since….and currently in Sheffield North General…for the past few months..after several operations and infections Lou is about to undertake hip removal and knee joint surgery….She never gives up…never complains (well almost never) and praises the health service and staff to the heavens…I’ve never met anyone with such resolve…..We need people like Lou and You to make us all appreciate you and take our minds off Trump and Brexit…Thanks again Sarah…shine on…BobMac x
Sarah, your strength continues to blow me away. You are dealing with this so well, but I shouldn’t be surprised knowing how fab you are anyway! Give yourself time, don’t rush anything or beat yourself up for being tired – you will come back stronger each time it knocks you down, I know this. You got this girl 💪❤️ xx
Thank you Vicky ❤️ hope you are well lovely x x x
I can relate. I was postponed 2 weeks because of low counts as well. My doc doesn’t want to give me Neulesta because of the side effects it causes, so now I’m going every 4 weeks instead of every 3 weeks. I hope you are feeling better and that the rest of your sessions go smoothly and on time! 🙂
And you ❤️❤️ mine was meant to be tomorrow but now I have to wait till next week and have more injections to get my immune system up . Sending you lots of love xxxx