No right or wrong way
I watched a youtube video last night by by Linn Lowes . Here is a young woman who is a cancer survivor, but apart from the words ‘Cancer Survivor’ in her Instagram Bio you wouldn’t so much know, she also only has one Vlog on her youtube channel that covers her story. She’s certainly inspiring knowing what she has gone through in regards to chemo and cancer treatment, although we do react to it in different ways, looking at her fitness level now shows what can be done with life after cancer. She’s definitely worth a follow.
Linn discusses how she didn’t want to talk about it publicly for not wanting to be consumed by it, I totally understand this, I also respect that there is no right or wrong way to deal with a cancer diagnosis. Some may want to carry on as normal, even through chemotherapy, even when hair falls out, wig it and not let the world know the battle you are fighting. I respect this totally, however I have dealt with it in a very open way because that is what makes me feel better.
I started this blog in 2015, I wanted a creative outlet, little did I know back then I would be using it to navigate my way through my breast cancer diagnosis. Writing sets me free, navigating my way through my own feelings by writing them has allowed me to understand and express my inner emotions.
There was a point where I was watching Linn’s Vlog wondering if I am dealing with this in the wrong way. I thought that maybe I was actually letting cancer consume me, I thought that maybe I was coming across as I wanted sympathy (which I really don’t) I doubted my reasons for sharing my experience. I went to sleep with these thoughts whirling around my mind, along with the knowledge that a few hours previous I was informed that once again the darn neutrophils were too low for treatment tomorrow, Thursday. 4th Jan, I actually got myself in a bit of a jumble. Mindful more like, mindful not one bit. Maybe the way I felt was all the insecurities coming out as I once again felt let down by my own body. I was making everything complicated in my mind.
Then I woke up. I realised then that there is no right way or wrong way in dealing with this. The way to deal with it is simply whatever way makes you feel better.
In Sharing my story it has helped me to navigate my way through my jumbled mind.
In Sharing my story I have hopefully raised awareness for breast cancer and given those who may not have known much about it a greater understanding, and more importantly made others aware that we should check our breasts. I sometimes have shivers through my body when I think about the fact I rarely checked my breasts before this, the fluke of my dog jumping on me making me reach for my breast and feel a large lump makes me gulp. I gulp because this was fluke, I left my health to fluke, what if’s are pointless but what if he hadn’t of jumped on me. What if I had left it longer, what if this what if that?! What I am trying to say is that I found this lump early by fluke, when really I should have been checking my breasts regularly instead of thinking ‘ahhhh it won’t happen to me, no family history, too young, fit and healthy, I won’t get breast cancer.’ I don’t wish to scare people with my story, I just want to raise awareness to people reading this, check your breasts, take control and manage it, it takes minutes.
In sharing my story
In Sharing my story I am reaching out to others on this weird and wonderful journey. I say wonderful because taking the positives you can grab on this journey is a pretty wonderful thing, the fact you are allowed to fight to one day be a survivor, stronger than you were before I feel is a wonderful thing.
In Sharing my story Talking about it with others makes the lonely scary times not feel so lonely or scary.
In Sharing my story I hope to show the other side to cancer treatment. Yes at times it’s not the most of fun, but I’m still living my life, still exercising but changing it up and doing more walking instead of my usual massive HIIT sessions, learning new things like Yoga and being more relaxed and mindful. Enjoying the meals out, spending time with friends and family, SHOPPING ain’t nothing holding me back from the odd shopping ‘excursion’. There have been some real low points and I haven’t hidden that, but it hasn’t been all doom and gloom. I have learnt so much about myself, I have gained the up most respect for others dealing with this too.
In Sharing my story I have met and talked to some real inspiring people along the way through writing my blog. I have learnt so much from them.
And there we have it
You see they are the reasons for my blog, this is almost a little reminder to myself. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it. Do what makes you happy. Ask yourself what makes this easier? and then do it. I do believe that talking about it whether it’s too a few close people, going to support groups, writing a blog, writing a diary that you keep for yourself, expressing your feelings however you choose is a weight lifted and although I say there is no right or wrong way to deal with a cancer diagnosis internalising your emotions can leave you feeling lonely and lost, draw strength from others too, that’s ok. We should all experience our feelings to allow them to come and go. Taking each day as it comes has really helped me, as soon as I start thinking too far ahead that’s then when my mind gets so confused, and I actually don’t move forward, it is as though I am in quick sand, I acknowledge those moments and try my best to let them pass the best I can. Writing has helped me so much, I couldn’t recommend it more, you don’t need to set up a blog a simple diary to write in and express how you feel each day will allow you to rid some of the thoughts or worry you may have to make some space in your mind for the now.
Do what makes you happy, Cancer diagnoses or not.
I would love to hear how others feel about this too
Love Sarah xx