Scared for the sun to set
Difficult times make the dark even darker, deeper, painful, well at least for me it feels that way.
Waking in panic at 3am taking to doctor google 🤦🏻♀️, the questions I put into google through chemo ranged from one terrible negative to another and the darkness made the words I was reading appear even scarier and at times I couldn’t even bare the morning coming, I felt so trapped, trapped in my mind.
Any hard times can take you here and life unfortunately will throw problems your way, I’m a positive thinker but I’m alert to the fact that not everything is perfect and sometime life is bloody hard.
Dear anyone who is scared of the dark
1️⃣ As hard as it is avoid your phone. Flicking through social media , comparing your life or reading horror stories , your ‘search’ goes to where your frame of mind wants it too, and if you are fearful and anxious it will direct you to all of that, you’ll read everything worse case and left feeling confused and unsettled further.
2️⃣ Place a notepad and pen next to your bed, any thoughts flying around get them out of your mind and onto that paper. You will recognise them and let them go gently without firing those thoughts into the internet.
3️⃣ as hard as this may be share these thoughts with a loved one, trust me I wrote some scary stuff at night but I had to share those thoughts to have someone to reason with me, to sit and say ‘I understand but you aren’t alone, I’m here for you’
4️⃣ create a safe environment, if your mind feels cluttered before bed light a calming candle , lavender helps me, take a bath or shower so you wash the day away. Read a book, a kindness book, nothing intense, something soothing an hour before you sleep.
5️⃣ remember that all of the above will help but sometimes that dark space you go as painful as it can be is trying to tell you something , it’s letting you know that maybe you are carrying around unwanted emotional pain. The dark night really does bring out some truths, reality, it’s just you and your thoughts and sometimes you need to experience them to let them go.
6️⃣ with any emotional feeling use it as your teacher , when you listen In to yourself in the stillness of the night it’s quite amazing what you can learn, it’s quite amazing how being your own teacher can change your perspective and lighten a load on those heavy shoulders.
I’m not sat here writing this thinking I’ve got my life sorted , I haven’t , I have struggles emotionally I am 7 months post hearing the words ‘you are in remission’ and some nights I feel my breath become heavier and before I know it my heart skips a beat and the worry and pain comes flooding back. BUT I had to learn to get through it in the best way to protect my soul, that’s why I share this with you because I hope it can be of some help, whether it is cancer or any other turbulence this life throws at you.
I know even with open arms around me I still felt alone so this is for you ❤️
Love sarah xoxo