Oh 2017 how you changed my world
2017 has been an enlightening year to say the least and as learning goes I’ve learnt more than ever.
Going into 2017 with plans as every year. My job had reached a place where hard work over the years had paid off and it had become more organised than ever and running smoothly. I was going into this year newly engaged, we had booked a venue and I found my dress for our big day in 2018.
Our new home was being built, at points this became a little stressful as any home move does, we moved into parents after selling up and waited for our new dream home to be completed. It was all very exciting the thought of Christmas get togethers with family and friends, entertaining in the kitchen and all that jazz, socialising and entertaining, my favourite things.
Jake my fiancé had an amazing year with his racing, winning his first ever British superbike race and not only that, doing the double at Knockhill in Scotland. From there it just got better making it into BSB showdown. He made me very proud, seeing his dad give him a hug after his first race win will be one of my favourite memories from this year, those emotions will stay forever.
Thanks to Camila for the photos.
Two of my good friends had babies which is the best gift ❤️ little Hunter Ryley and little Maya Buchan.
2017 was actually turning out to be one of the best years to date, my health fitness and well being was great …so I thought.
Until August , August 2017 was the month it all went a bit pete tong. “you have breast cancer” SAY FRICKIN WHAT?!?!
Our holiday was planned for December this year but that got cancelled just like our holiday skiing got cancelled In December 2016 as Jake has broke his hip in a racing incident. Between us both we aren’t doing great on the holiday front so with this in mind the next holiday will be 3rd time lucky and probably will be our honeymoon , although we may leave that to last minute booking to be safe …I’ll be savouring every moment of that flaming holiday that’s for sure.
Another highlight of 2017 was raising almost of 8k (I’m not finished yet) for my cancer care team at the Bamford Suite at the Derby Nuffield. A huge thanks has to go to my friends Susie and Dean for helping me. They put huge effort into organising the great British shave off at the final round of the British Superbike championship at Brands Hatch on the Saturday 14th October. An amazing and overwhelming night thanks to the support from everyone and all those that got involved. I had just shaved my hair as it was falling out rapidly and had my 2nd chemo on the 12th so this fund raising event lifted my spirits more than anyone could know , so thank you so much to everyone who came along. We raised almost 3k that night and from that people also went to my just giving page too.
Thanks to the guys at Double Red for the photos and the support , and thanks to James for taking part in the shave.
The Kindness of strangers
I have the learnt and faith has been restored, the kindness of strangers has been amazing. I had never met Gareth, but he took his time to make this canvas for me and Jake. He gave it to us at Oulton Park Race Circuit this year, another emotional moment, another moment I realised the Kindness from others.
33 years young, Fertility and cancer
I shared my story with the daily mail. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5063557/Breast-cancer-patient-33-fears-t-children.html
Cancer wasn’t part of the big 30 plan, of course it wasn’t, it’s part of no ones plan. Getting my head around pumping my body full of toxins that could affect my fertility and then the worry if I was to fall pregnant would it re alight my hormone driven cancer cells?! The questions and worry are endless if you allow it, there’s nothing more I can do for now. Worry got no one anywhere did it!
I believe I’ll have children and all I have right now is belief. I’m doing what I can to help support my fertility the best I can so if belief is all I have, I’ll roll with that. Belief and expectations are different things, you must have belief to be on the right track , I think it really is that simple..for now.
I’m writing this now half the way through my chemotherapy treatment. I’ve had massive lows however at this stage I’m feeling good physically and mentally. Life in 2017 certainly changed, how I thought in July is completely different to my thought process now. For once I won’t be going into the new year with any new years resolutions, I’ve got enough on listening to my own body and guess that’s a valuable, one of the most i’d say, lessons learnt. Don’t wait for the new year, do it now. I’ve started to see clear what’s important and what’s not. It’s a time thing, I no longer have time to waste.
I Reached an entire new understanding of feeling scared for your life which certainly wakes you up and takes you out of your ‘normality’ your comfort zone.
I’ve allowed myself to feel everything, every emotion I’ve let it in , to let out. I’ve been open to change, change in myself, and I’ve cut out as much stress as possible. If something is only going to cause strain, stress, hurt then it’s just not welcome. Which is weird when that pretty much sums up having cancer but that’s the other thing I can’t change this, I can’t say to it ‘sorry I don’t like what you’re doing to me, goodbye.’ It’s the acceptance, acceptance of what you can’t change and understanding the best way for you as a person to manage such change, what works for someone may not work for you so don’t put pressure on how you are feeling if someone says that’s not how such and such dealt with it. This is you, your own soul so look after it wisely for you by you. Which leads me back to not allowing stressful strains of situations into life, we all have control of this to some extent, and having flipping cancer makes you realise the s**t you don’t have to put up with. Why on earth allow things in if they don’t have to be there or serve a good purpose for your well being when your having to cope with something that you actually have no control of. You can’t pick some battles but you certainly don’t have to complicate them.
When I found out I had breast cancer I was angry at fitness and diet , as I was fit and healthy so how did it happen to me. Well it did so I’ve just accepted that, but I’ve taken it very seriously spent hours researching nutrition and there’s changes I’m making so actually there’s always room for change when it comes to your body. You may well be doing the right things but you need to be doing the right things for YOU we are all so different, again what might work for someone may not work for another so be open to making changes to your diet and lifestyle when your body needs you too. One important factor I have Learnt is thank the lord I was fit and healthy , all those hours in the gym have actually prepared with for my own battle. I genuinely believe that being so fit has made chemotherapy much easier to deal with.
I was so so annoyed for 2018 , It was meant to be my year, the year to plan the wedding and enjoy our new home. I’m not annoyed any more , I’m thankful, thankful for the fact I can do them. Doesn’t matter how but it’s happening. Half of the time it’s what socially accepted, what’s socially the correct way to do things. I couldn’t care anymore for that. Let’s face it I never did anyway. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! If you trust in it others will too.
I’m going into the new year happier with my life more so than ever before. I’ve realised what matters and what doesn’t. I’m thankful to have this fight, and when I have beaten it that’s when this new understanding really gets started. Here’s to doing more of what makes you happy. Here’s to learning more about our ‘terrain’ the most important thing you have.
I will continue to blog my way through this weird and wonderful Journey and make extra special time for it, in the process helping me put the pieces together and also reach out to others who are going through or been through this. Advice from others has helped me through some tough times. I also hope that sharing this helps in raising awareness for breast cancer and a new understanding about it. My friends still say to me how they can’t believe how many different breast cancers there are , everyone’s story is different, that’s why I feel it’s important to share.
Next year I’ll be turning 34 …34!! I thought that chemo was going to age my body, and in some ways it is but I’ll be reversing this by taking even more care of my body than before so I’ll beat it and I’ll beat the side effects, half the battle is having a positive mind, so I’ll be working on that as I always have.
But more importantly …2018 whatever the weather, I’m in it.
Here’s to more amazing moments